Still (2019)
I have put off posting this piece for a while now. It is very near and dear to me and is the most personal piece of music I have ever written. Still is a collaboration between my wife Brianna and me, and was written for our son.
Last summer we were expecting our first child and were overjoyed at the prospect of becoming parents. We had just begun telling family, friends, students, etc. It was Labor Day weekend 2018 when our world came down around us. Bri woke up Sunday morning in the midst of having a miscarriage. To make a long story short, we sadly lost our son Henry James that weekend at 17 weeks and it devastated us.
In the aftermath we started going to a therapist who encouraged us to find a way to pay tribute to Henry - something that was unique to us and would help us through our grief. Bri had started up a blog (shamelessly plugged here) and wrote a beautiful poem about what she experienced before, during, and after the miscarriage. Writing the poem helped Bri understand and process her emotions, but for me words don’t come easily. I decided to set the poem to music.
This was the hardest piece to write because it made me come face to face with what we went through every time I sat down to work on it. I still don’t know how I was able to finish the piece because the whole time felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere. While I was working on the piece I asked Theresa Riccardi - the choir director I work with - if she would be interested in performing and premiering the piece with the Chamber Singers at High Point. She was honored and so were the students. I was able to work with them on the piece and they were incredibly mature and musical while we worked on it. They asked a lot of very detailed questions about my process and how the music reflected the text and how the themes work throughout the composition.
The piece was premiered in Washington DC at the WorldStrides Heritage Festival in the beautiful National City Christian Church. I am eternally grateful to Theresa and the Chamber Singers for performing the piece with such maturity and care. Bri and I are closer now and think about Henry every day. We love him with all our hearts and this piece is a tribute to him from his parents.
Sample Page from Score
